Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Stay At Home Moms? Says Who?

One thing that amazes me is that there is this weird belief by people that the Duggar girls or anyone that marries a Duggar boy will have this life as a wife and mother at home with the kids. I'd love to know what people are basing this notion on. Is Anna a stay-at-home mom? No. Was Michelle a stay-at-home mom? No, not in the early years.

The examples we've been shown and are being shown are that a wife and husband work together. Michelle raised the kids while working for the car lot and she also had kids with her when she worked at the mini-mart they owned. We see Anna and Josh taking their daughter to work with them and we see both of them working side by side to build the family business.

I have no idea if there is a Biblical background to owning your own business, or if the Duggars lead in that direction so they can have more control over their own lives--after all if you're the boss you can set your schedule and be sure to have time with your family--something the Duggars are very proactive about. However it can also be a financial decision too. If you have the right business at the right time and work it properly, you have the financial control rather than being the employee which gives you none of the financial control.

I would love it if someone could explain to me why anti-Duggars post things like the girls will be trapped in their homes raising kids or that all they have to look forward to is the life of a home-maker when everything we see in their life shows that they will likely be working either alongside or in addition to their husband. Jim Bob worked for five years as a checker and stocker for a grocery store that wasn't theirs--he was an employee--and while he was at work Michelle would work at the car lot and this was before they had children. Josh was born 4 years after they got married.

I have nothing against working moms or stay at home moms--I am a stay at home mom and may work again some day, likely beside my husband at a business we open together. I was raised by a working mother and father--my mom chose to work, she didn't have to, but she was driven and liked to be in the office. I have nothing but great memories of my childhood and have no doubt that if she had been pressured to be at home (her social circle didn't have executive women in it) she probably would have been unhappy--I will say that she did wait until I was in school. My father being a teacher was home close to the time I was, but in our town and our neighbourhood it wasn't a big deal--all the kids played together anyway after school.

I am not out to change minds or convert people to become Duggar fans. What I would love though, is if people would be a little more informed before they make their comments.


  1. I agree. And also, who's to say that ALL of them will end up married anyway. There may very well be some that stay single. I think that Jim Bob and Michelle are preparing BOTH girls and boys to succeed at whatever they end up doing in life.

  2. I think people feel that the Duggar girls are destined for stay at home motherhood etc. because we see them doing thing/chore what could be defined as traditional "women's work". I saw one episode where Jim Bob taught the girls to check the oil and change a tire. Maybe the lessons continued off camera, but for the most part IMHO we see the boys and girls in defined fairly traditional roles. Michelle said recently that Jill is looking to college and maybe even Nursing. Jana is pursuing her harp studies and has assisted a doula to see if midwifery might be something she's interested in. I think Jinger might be the 'rebel' of the bunch. I wouldn't be surprised if she does something totally 'out of the box'. What that might be, I couldn't tell ya. I have to say while we do see Anna at the car lot with Josh, to me she is portrayed as kind of simpering and a little helpless. She has a BA is Christian Education. I would love to see he teaching sunday school or something else independant of Josh.

  3. I think we see the "haters" saying that because they don't bother to do the research, they only say what they see in the present.. If they had done their research they would know that Michelle has worked very hard, she even stated that "we worked HARD to be able to relax a little bit" IMO she is still working very hard, she is organizing the home, does speaking engagments and more.. They Both work hard!
    And the Girls do work we saw Joy mowing the lawn. I have nothing against working mothers or mother's that stay home, it's whatever is best for the family!

  4. I think the people who make those comments might be little too informed. They are probably basing their opinions on the practices of the Quiverfull movement which believes that a woman's highest calling is to be a wife and mother. How many of the girls are old enough for university? Are any of them going? It will be interesting to see how many of the girls will pursue higher education.

  5. I have no issues with role seperation per se. I admit it, in our home everyone does all the chores, however, my son mostly takes care of cleaning litter boxes and taking out trash, and lawn mowing, my daughter and myself do more of the driving around doing things like laundry, shopping, paying bills, we do majority of the cooking and general cleaning, however... i and my daughter can and have done the lawn/trash/litter work when my son was to busy with job or sick.. and he has done the shopping and general cleaning when i spent 6 weeks on my back seriously ill and my daughter stayed in hospital and at home to nurse me back to health..

    i see no problem with that. i think however personal wise everyone should have a general know how of most chores/jobs round the house in case the other cannot do it for whatever reason, and the duggar children do seem to know how to do this, I have seen shows with jim box taking care of the kids, feeding them et et.. and seen where the girls learn about car maintanance and lawn care.

    and they all seem happy with the way things are laid out.

  6. I think it's more a matter of what TLC airs of it's filming.... as I have heard and seen in smaller snippets the boys cleaning, the boys doing laundry, and the boys doing dishes and cooking.

    The whole Christmas decorations still being up they explained back when they got them out to begin with... The girls didn't WANT them helping get them out or in them because they string them out all over the house, and don't put them back up the way the GIRLS want it done. That's territorial NOT gender role playing LOL.... My son is aboslutely anal about how his bathroom closet should look and be organized and heaven help the girl that tries to help bro out by cleaning his bathroom or putting up his towels for him...

    As for not cleaning up in general after most of the family went to Little Rock.... Josh himself said it (badly at that) the two boys that staid behind spent more time at Josh's house than they did at theirs... turning Josh's house into a "homeless shelter". Why clean something if you aren't there using it or even seeing it. they probably came in long enough to check to make sure no one had broken in, check things in Dad's office, get keys to rental properties, changes of clothing and then back to Josh's house.

  7. Actually, in the QF movement, singleness is said to be a "rare calling." Most girls are expected to marry and start having kids right away.

    Michelle may have "worked" in the carlot but, like Anna, she seemed to know little about cars. Hardly what you would call a working woman. She manned the shop when JB was out.

    Most people I know who own businesses see their family far less than their salaried counterparts. I imagine that would be true for Josh if they didn't have TLC.

  8. Michelle may have "worked" in the carlot but, like Anna, she seemed to know little about cars. Hardly what you would call a working woman. She manned the shop when JB was out.

    Michelle told them what she knew about the cars and made appointments for the buyers to come back later for JimBob to do the paper work and the car DEALER. Michelle also ran the convenient store with the kids in the play pens behind the counter with her. Michelle also sold properties and insurance. Michelle WAS a working mother she just had the rare opportunity to take her kids to work with her.

    I did and do the same thing because it's what I CHOSE to do.

  9. Emphasis on working outside the home alongside their husband. Do you think the Duggars are really going to allow Jana or Jill to leave the home if they get a job? I don't think they are going to move out until they get married and then whatever job they have will be to support their husband

  10. Sitting in your husband's office at his used-car lot is NOT "work".