When it comes to the Duggars there seems to be an "us and them" mentality between the fans of the show and/or family and those who don't care for the Duggars or their show. There is a strange phenomena wherein people who dislike the family and what they stand for watch the show regardless--I've never understood this, but it happens in many cases. For example, there are groups devoted to "hating" Rachel Ray, and the main past time of these people is watching Rachel Ray on television. I am not someone that can spend time watching a show I have disdain for, but apprently there are a lot of people out there who can and do. To be perfectly honest, I have trouble being polite and watching shows I don't care for--sorry Hubby, but you can watch the sci-fi shows on your own, I'd rather read a book. But either way, you have those who think the Duggars are great, or those who think the Duggars are horrible. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.
In Part I we discussed some reasons why people may or may not like the Duggars. We learned some other reasons from people who are on the "dislike" side. Some of those reasons were: The Duggars make different parenting choices than the person thought was right, The Duggars are making money by being on a TV show (the person thought never said that was wrong, but a reason why it was OK to criticize them,) and one person appeared to not like them because s/he had read blogs from people who had left an upbringing similar to that of the Duggars and decided that all people from that lifestyle must be unhappy--to be honest it was hard to tell why that person disliked the Duggars as his/her argument wasn't very well-written or thought out.
Both people who replied for the "dislike" side did use the argument that "other people who's lives are similar to the Duggars" had lives that were somehow sub-par and therefore made the conclusion that the Duggar's children would be leading the same sub-par lives. Unfortunately, as Duggar fans, we demand some kind of proof that this is occurring with the Duggars themselves, not people who live like the Duggars. As for me, I am ONLY interested in any blogs or information straight from Duggar family members---other families that have no relation to the Duggars aren't proof of how the Duggar children are currently doing.
One kind of anti-Duggar we didn't touch on was the person who did grow up in a large family and now feels slighted by their upbringing. They look at the Duggars and project their own life onto them--usually without any correct or accurate information about the Duggar family--and assume that the Duggar children will wind up just like they have. While this is sad, it's not quite fair to the Duggars. At least know something about the family and the children before making assumptions.
So what is the point of today's post? By "looking inward" I thought that we could discuss those who are Duggar fans and what we can do when we encounter those who aren't. The first question I want to pose is why do the anti-Duggars get under our skin so much? I am the fan of a lot of different TV shows, but this is the only one I feel compelled to write a blog about or discuss at length. While I'm not sure why I am so pro-Duggar, I do know the main reason why I'm bothered by the anti-Duggar side. For me it's a matter of information. I have an innate annoyance of the spreading of misinformation. I suppose I just need to see the true facts out there for the world to see--I know that people may not change their mind, but if they are at least properly informed, they may see things a little differently--they may understand WHY.
I'm sure there are some people who see attacks on the Duggars as attacks on themselves. There are many MANY Duggar fans who share the same religious beliefs and the same beliefs on birth control. When someone comes onto a blog or message board and attacks those two topics in particular, I've seen many pro-Duggars come out in full force on the defensive side. I know that I fall into the birth-control belief catagory and I do often feel the need to voice a comment or two when someone makes a snide comment on the subject.
There are some Duggar fans who are just that--fans. Who of us wants to see something we care for trampled on? For that reason we will get our hackles raised and feel the need to defend our entertainment choice. I also think we have combinations of all the above--we want people to know who the Duggars are as we see them and why we choose to watch them, and why that's a good thing.
My next question is how should we respond? It depends on the attack, of course. Some people are just down-right nasty and want to raise up the ire of Duggar fans--why? Probably for fun. These people you just have to ignore and preferably block from your view. They will not be reasoned with or placated---they will only get meaner and nastier--that's part of their fun. Some people just don't have the right information and need some correcting, as it were--some even are polite enough to ask for the right news. To be honest, some I've just verbally smacked upside the head. I know it's wrong and not "What a Duggar Would Do," but I admit my weaknesses and being mean to anti-Duggars is one of mine.
How SHOULD we respond? We should probably either ignore them completely--something easier said than done--or kill them with kindness. When people show up hoping for a fight and don't get one, they'll usually go someplace else. However, that shouldn't be the reason we're nice, we should be nice because it's the right thing to do, regardless of the outcome. When sharing updates and correct information about the Duggars we should be polite and sincere, because it's the right way to act around people.
I think one thing we all need to remember as fans, and even as non-fans, is that the Internet isn't real life. As much as we want it to be and hope that it is sometimes, it isn't because a lot of times we don't truly know the other person we're talking to or debating with. Remembering that should make it easier to walk away from conflict---ask yourself if you'd get "this upset" and have this conversation in real life with someone you didn't know? I've received a few rude and hurtful comments as the writer of this blog--does it get to me? No, not really. For one, I can just delete them and they are gone. Two, they never have the nerve to leave their name--anonymous isn't someone that has any power over my self-esteem. And three, they aren't real--I've never had anyone speak to me like that in real life since junior high school, so I am quite confident that these adults wouldn't speak to me like this if they were face to face with me, and if they would, that just says even more about their character. Keep that in mind if you're feeling frustrated on a fan page, blog, or message board.
We all have our own personal reasons for loving or hating the Duggars. For whatever reason, those reasons have brought us together on the Internet and we have to find a way to live together in harmony. I think it can be done if cooler heads prevail.