Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Finding Your Calling

One thing I've noticed about the Duggars, when they talk to their kids about careers and future endeavors, they speak of the subject on a much higher level than most people do. Now this feeling could just be a contrast to how I was raised, but I get the distinct impression that the Duggars view the future as a calling and not so much a personal desire. I don't want to diminish the fact that they DO urge their children to follow a career path that is personally fulfilling--they have said that a career is something you'll be spending a lot of time doing so it should be something you enjoy--but it seems they want even MORE than that for their children, something they enjoy so much that they are literally pulled towards doing it.

I'll admit my parents never had the "what do you want to be when you grow up" talk with me. In fact my father actually told me that it's possible I might not want to do anything at all. I'm pretty sure that annoyed my mother, but actions speak louder than words and neither one had goals for me beyond princess. And that's pretty much how my life turned out. So bear in mind that I don't have the career experience or career path planning that the Duggar children are receiving. Does anyone?

People have criticized the Duggars for not having their children in school or out working at early ages, but if you analyze their conversations and interviews it's clear they want their kids to be sure of their choices. Yes again I understand that actions speak louder than words...saying their kids are free to go to school and yet not having any kids in school can be viewed more than one way.

I firmly believe that Jim Bob and Michelle want more than just careers for their kids, they want their kids to find their calling. There is a distinct difference between the two and the second can take more time than the first. That's my opinion on why their kids are slower than some to get out and tackle the world--they are waiting to be called to something vs. jumping into something because it might be fun or might be interesting. The girls ready to examine their career goals have done things I've never done or known anyone to do--they visit and shadow people who have that career. I began my freshman year in college as a nursing major because I thought I wanted to be a nurse--it never occurred to me to tag along behind one before registering for classes. No one even suggested it. Makes sense and saves a lot in wasted tuition money.

Calling--usually a word reserved for those called to the religious services. However I think in the Duggar's case, even their careers have some level of religious service to them, regardless of what that career is. I do believe that they hope their children will be guided by a higher power when moving into a career and I believe that "calling" is an accurate description.

What do you feel "called" to do?

23 comments:

  1. PS. The environment is my religion.

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  2. I have been teaching and providing supported living skills for people with developmental disabilities since 97. It's not a glamorous job nor is the pay lucrative. This a job you have to "want" to do, or you won't be happy. I LOVE my job. In fact, it's more than just a job. I'm helping "friends" out. This is my calling.

    I hope the Duggar kids find their calling one day. It's good they have parents who are encouraging them to put a lot of thought in what they decide.

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  3. It's great that the Duggars now make enough money that they can provide for their adult children financially until they determine their calling.

    However, I cannot do that, and I won't do that. I found my calling by trial and error, once I got a job providing for my own financial needs, including housing. I expect my adult children to do the same once I've provided them with a college education. Yes, I believe I should pay for the education... in whatever major they want. I've tried to expose them to many things so that they can determine what that major should be for themselves.

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  4. I feel called to be a nurse-midwife.

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  5. I think this is a very interesting topic, and one i've been thinking about for a while. As I have mentioned before I am a collecter and re-reader of 1920 - 1950's girls ficton and during this time we see a lot of social change in the uk but even so, girls of middle class and upper middle class, once they had finished their education chose to go to university if they chose, but they were expected to stay at home on an allowance and help with younger siblings or keep mother company and not to take a job unless it was absolutely neccessary. That was the attitude I grew up with - ok 20 years behind the times but that was an era I enjoyed escaping to.
    I have felt called to teach since I was 15 or so but never really came up with a subject. I fell into my degree subject in some ways and did a further Education teaching qualification and fell into a lecturer position. But it all went a bit wrong and didn't work out. Ten years later and a lot of changes in my life and I have finally worked out what I am called to teach. I don't know if I would have worked it out even with the help the Duggars give their kids and sometimes you have to do a bit of trial and error but I certainly and taking note about preparing my children for adult life - I like the idea of taking it seriously and ecouraging your children to make an informed long term decision.
    Chris

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  6. I feel called as a scientist to create new and reliable methods of birth control so that each woman has the right to not spend her entire life pregnant like Michelle Duggar.

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  7. Anonymous Scientist: I find it fascinating that you are unable to accept Michelle's choice to live her life as she wishes. I personally have no problem with birth control--I've taken and used many forms in my life. Unlike some people, however, I would never be so rude as to suggest someone SHOULD take/use it.

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  8. I dont think anonymous meant they couldn't accept Michelle's lifestyle. "Has a right" is the key. I have no problem with Michelle's decisions but wonder what the Duggars think about others who use birth control. What if someone else or their own kids have a calling other than to be a parent? How would they feel?
    I felt called to be a teacher then a writer/singer/actor-sigh

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  9. i hear tone of voice in people's writing and believe the intent was clear...the Duggars are not anti-birth control, they just choose not to use it themselves and have said that on many occassions--although they are vehemently anti-abortion....they also have said on many occassions that they know the family they have is not something for everyone, including their own kids--Josh and Anna have repeatedly said they aren't looking to beat their parent's record...2 or 3 would be great...is what they've said...From listening to them, I firmly believe the Duggars are aware that their situation is unique and not something universally embraced...even by members of their own family--Jinger for example is quite vocal about her disdain for babysitting--i don't think we'll see 19 kids coming from her

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  10. ok Just to throw another perspective out there, here's on from a southern belle raised in and around fairly conservative churches and Denominations. (so take it for what it's worth to you :P)

    The word "calling" IS being used as a religious word. What is God Calling you to do with your life to glorify Him. What has God best equipped to do with your life.

    The actual concept comes from the New Testament philosophy "use me Lord I am yours", "I am your loving and humble servant" (mostly from Paul) Now different people go various different ways with that thought, but that's the concept in a nutshell.

    Now with the way human nature is with that concept you can get anything from Joan of Ark to David Koresh and everything in between. BOTH swore they heard God audibly, and set out to free their people from oppression... Joan of Ark succeeded in freeing her people but was burned at the stake for being a witch. David Koresh blew himself and lots of others including children...

    Some where in the middle you have people like the Amish, the Mennonite, Billy Graham, Martin Luther (German guy)Sister Teresa, though not all would call what they did a "calling".

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  11. PS this all fits in nicely with "God is in control, and God has a plan for your life" Which is where they personally got most of their no birth control thoughts. If GOD wants you pregnant or not pregnant it should be his choice, I'm simply going to do what I know God wants me to do.. (Hebrews NT) (wives and husbands do not defraud one another except for a time spent in fasting and prayer)

    Did I mention I grew up around this mentality...

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  12. Cyn - I personally feel that I need to give God control of my life for him to take control. I've no idea if this is everyone's way of thinking but when I gave my life to Him the sticking bit for so long had been the idea of me not being in control of my life - when I finally did come around to the benefits and felt I wanted to do it - at that point I felt that I had given Him my life.
    Having said that I wouldn't like to tell anyone else how it is for them I have a feeling that we are all different.
    Chris

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  13. I feel called to take my birth control pill every day so I don't end up breeding myself to death like Michelle Duggar.

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  14. Anonymous birth control taker: on behalf of the rest of the world, we thank you for not spreading your gene pool any further

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  15. I feel called to take my birth control pill every day so I don't end up breeding myself to death like Michelle Duggar.
    *****************************

    This is the example of some one TWISTING what is meant into something else.

    GOD doesn't call you to do things He doesn't want you to do, or to do things that are HARMFUL to you. IF there was a possibility that you would breed yourself to death, He would simply make your womb BARREN.

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  16. After my mum lost a baby (very late miscariage - she nearly lost her life and baby only lived an hour) she was confident she would be able to conceive agaion. however when she did she found the pregnancy very stressful. After the arrival of my surviving brother she knew that she did not want to have another. She also felt pressured by this control issue. She prayed for a long time about it and she finally made the decision that she would leave it in God's hands whether she had another baby. As soon as she had made that decision (ie before she had done anything about it) she had a very clear message that it she wanted to she could contibue to use birth control. I always got the impression that she knew then that God wouldn't bless her again in that way.
    God does not require everyone to do the same thing.

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  17. "IF there was a possibility that you would breed yourself to death, He would simply make your womb BARREN. "
    I may catch flack for this but we also have a brain to use. This reminds me of the story of the man who drowned and went to heaven. He asked God "why didn't you save me when I called out? God responded " I sent you a motorboat,boat and helicopter but you refused them" or something like that. Didn't it ever occur to them "God" maybe speaking thru situations or doctors to stop? Speaking of twisting, the Quiverfull twists Psalms 127 to suit their needs with no regard for the woman's health or mentality.

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  18. As a professional pet groomer for 26 years now I felt the career was a good fit for me. I was told by my family it was a waste of my intellect and a non ambitious career choice. I have been told by my clients I am one of the most informative people they have met (and not just about grooming). If I can make a difference in someone's life thru grooming their pet or the advice I give it is enough. I have saved several animals lives by resuscitation or noting a medical condition that was abnormal. In the past few years I have felt it is time to go down another path and I am trying to get there, while leaving one career, I am never going to be thru with it. I feel there are many improvements that can be made and I will work towards those as it will make grooming a safer environemnt for people and pets alike. I have gained the respect of my parents (who saw the error of their attitude) and many other people thru the years. I have been interviewed by several prominant magazine/shows for TV shows or articles.

    I believe that college is not for everyone. I have not been to college, my daughter has; I am not against it. I do beleive chidren should not jump from HS to college but take a gap year so they understand what it is like to work and will better use that expereince to their own advantage if they decide to go to college. A career shoudl be taken with care as it is a waste of time and money to undertake a degree and not use it. Too much emphasis is put on college education here in the USA without any concept of whether the career is something the child wants. Case in point my DS has a GF who tells him she wants to be a DR, he asks her WHY? She is unable to answer-it is her mother's dream not hers. My DS right now at 16 is building his own custom computer and is exploring the idea of a career in computers. We have investiagted the local BOCES and community college ( we homeschool) and feel neither would do the him justice, we have advised him to undertake getting his A+ certfication, work for a few years and go to a technical school like DeVrey which is much better prepared to train for the computer carer he is exploring. A few years exploring oneself and growing before attending college is not the bad thing it is made out to be. If anything the young adult will choose more wisely because they know what is at stake.

    NOt attendign a college does not mean one is uneducated yet this is the attitude that prevails here in the US. I see a lot of coffers being filled by parents doing the right thign by sending their kids to college yet those kids do not appreciate the expense nor do they take their studying seriously. Many want a career that makes money but have no liking for it once they get into it.I'd rather educate my kids to make aliving at something they enjoy and live a fulfilled life than make a lot of money and worry about who has more.

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  19. A few commenters on other topics have requested on various occassions that I share my and/or the Judaic belief system and traditions when it comes to the topics at hand...so in this case I will share with you what my Rebitzen (Rabbi's wife) told me...

    When I was having gall bladder attacks and preparing for surgery, we were also still (and always) hoping for more children...as I careen headlong towards 41 I feel the clock ticking, so every month is an important month, if you know what I mean...

    She was horrified that I would still be trying to get pregnant while knowing that I had an impending surgery--it was against the teachings of the Torah...I was advised, not by my friend (she is my friend) but as a leader in the Temple (which she is) that I needed to abstain until after the surgery--getting pregnant knowing I needed surgery was wrong or would have been wrong...because I wouldn't have been able to have my gall bladder taken out, it most likely would have complicated my pregnancy, it would have made getting adequate and proper nutrition to the fetus difficult (eating was hard for me the 4 weeks before my gall bladder came out) and it could have killed us both...

    Now I am giving you the rough translation of rules from an Chassidic point of view--they are far more strict when it comes to these issues...but they do abstain every month, while the woman is on her period--in fact they don't even touch each other at all (no hugs, no hand holding, nothing at all) and they sleep in seperate beds...they aren't allowed to touch again until her cycle is complete and she's bathed in the Mikva (a spiritual bath taken in a special pool, usually near the temple--the closest one to us in is Los Angeles--4 hours away)

    Chassidim also use birth control pills when deemed necessary by the Rabbi...for instance, if you are told that more children WILL kill you, you go on birth control whether you really want to or not--the belief is that the mother's life is more important than any children that may be conceived (not children already conceived, but any children the future may provide)...the Duggars don't seem to have this belief..although we don't know that for sure because a) we've never been told what their doctors have said regarding Michelle's health and b) we've never been told what the Duggars believe about using any kind of protection for those reasons

    I do believe that G-d is the ultimate decider in conception...we've been trying since Zephyr was born and have had no luck, and when I examine our lives I can see why G-d may be holding back--we haven't decided where we want to live, my husband has almost died 5 times since Zephyr has been born, and our future is just a bit "up in the air" right now...it does take more than just copulation to have a baby...we should have several by now if that were the case (sorry if that was too much info)

    frankly i think people can ask "why" all they want when it comes to the way things turn out...why some people have kids and why others don't...you can keep asking why until the cows come home but the why really isn't the issue...it's not up to us to know the why...it's up to us to live the way G-d wants us to live and then see the fruits of THOSE labours...it's quite surprising the way things turn out when you follow that intuition that i believe is G-d speaking to you...

    and yes, i do believe you should listen for when G-d sends the boats and the helicopters...

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  20. sorry that your thread got hijacked...

    As to an earlier post about G-d making women infertile to save them... there are lots of women who die in childbirth or complications of pregnancy every day, so I think one shouldn't assume G-d will provide infertility. God provides, as said above, boats, helicopters, doctors, etc.

    Marybeth, stress also reduces the chance of pregnancy, and pregnancy can increase stress And, in your case, maybe G-d thinks you have enough stress right now.

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  21. I've heard about women becoming pregnant while on birth control. So, I guess if G-d really wants you pregnant...you're gonna get pregnant.

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  22. my sister's 1st 2 kids were "pill" babies

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  23. I have conceived all of my children, living and not, while on birth control. My youngest child of 3 was conceived after a miscarriage, that, if it had not happened she would not be here. She is my physical twin and my mental twin I see so much of myself in her, and many things that happened in my life have also happened in hers, uncannily so. If a child is meant to be it will happen, you cannot stop it from being. I am thankful for each of my children even though some people might label an unexpected pregnancy as an accident I have told my kids they were surprises. ANyone who considers a child an accident should not be that childs parent. I know this from experience.

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